at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
