she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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