I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
