you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
