She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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