So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
