Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
