I accidentally had phone sex last night
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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