There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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