Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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