Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
