Jerry, you need to find god
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
