My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
We need to get me chipped asap
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
