After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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