4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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