i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
