I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
he shaved USA in his pubs
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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