I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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