So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
