so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Someone came in the potted fern
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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