I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
