I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Randomize
