tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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