They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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