i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize