Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
As shirtless as possible
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
