...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
