i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
