"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
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