This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize