i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
