I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
