I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
