i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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