Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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