I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Duck Duck Cougar?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
