We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
