Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
