Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
