I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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