he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
