No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I think people are normalizing furries
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
