I can tuck mytits in my pants
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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