Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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