you would pick up someone in the library
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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