Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
