i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
