This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
