How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
