Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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