We won't sleep together?
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize
