dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
