I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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