You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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