I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
