oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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