he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
