I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
