Kiss
Puke
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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