I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
