we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He? As in you personified your dick?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
