You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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