he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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