did you get engaged???
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Pooping to opera.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
