I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
