YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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