please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
