You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
