I just made out with a guy for $7.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
