Your mouth is God's brothel.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
