I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize