I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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