(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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