I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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