Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
