he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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