wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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