Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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