Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
