Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
