what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
